nightmare boss

A boss' behaviour can make or break a job for us. A boss who inspires and empowers us helps us to achieve things we might never have done on our own.

But one who nags and digs and even bullies? Whose office we dread being called into? Who undermines us in meetings, criticises even the way we breathe, and makes us dread Monday almost before we wake up on Sunday?

Unfortunately nightmare bosses do exist. And I'm most definitely not making excuses for them. But what if they were running Imposter Syndrome?

There's a Native American saying:

"All criticism is borne of someone else's pain."

Happy people don't go around hurting others. And twenty years of specialising in the Imposter Syndrome field have shown me how miserable it can make people, especially when they're trying to hide it and think they're the only one who feels that way.


So here are five tell-tale signs that the nightmare boss could be running Imposter Syndrome:

My 4 Ps model from the 2019 Imposter Syndrome Research Study helps you spot Imposter Syndrome's early warning signs. Here's how they create bully-bosses:

1. Perfectionism

A boss running perfectionism is terrified that even tiny mistakes could make people 'find out' that they're not good enough. They set their standards impossibly high and then write them off as a fluke or 'anyone could do that' if they do happen to achieve them.

But it's not enough to prevent themselves from making mistakes. 

They're so scared that mistakes made by team members could cause them (the boss) to be found out as a fraud that they can end up micro-managing; their fear of mistakes gets passed on to team members. 

This is a great way to disempower team members, creating burnout from a workaholic culture, and ironically the stress this micro-managing causes makes mistakes more likely.


2. Procrastination

Ever had a boss who made promises but never delivered? Who got distracted by the latest new idea? (Shiny Object Syndrome) Who was always too busy but never seemed to get much done?

Procrastination is a super-common coping strategy for Imposter Syndrome, as people fill their time with 'busyness' to avoid what is stressing them.

This leaves team members hanging, waiting for information they desperately need to get their own work done. And the boss is often too busy to properly support - or develop - their team.


3. Project Paralysis

 Like the rabbit in headlights, this is where we avoid a task until the deadline gives us the adrenalin rush to push on through. That goes for everything from team meetings to performance reviews to preparing for Board meetings.

A boss running this symptom of Imposter Syndrome is likely to be a nightmare to work with, as they pass this habit on down through the team. They're likely to make high-pressure, last-minute requests for work to support their deadline, changing priorities at short notice.

And sending that dreaded 8pm email insisting on having the figures or information they need by 'first thing tomorrow' is common, leaving you choosing whether to pull an all-nighter or get up with the sparrows.


4. People-Pleasing

Ever had a boss who changed your priorities after every leadership meeting they attended? Or who committed the team to taking on work that wasn't the team's responsibility? Or jumping on the latest corporate band-wagon, to be part of the in-crowd?

One of the secret fears for someone running Imposter Syndrome can be the fear that they don't belong - and that people will find this out. So taking actions that will lead them to feel liked and accepted are common.

This can impact team workloads as the people-pleasing decisions are passed on to them to action.


5. Hyper-sensitive to criticism

And there's a fifth warning sign I want to share with you today.

I describe Imposter Syndrome as being the secret fear of others judging us the way we're judging ourselves.
This makes us hyper-sensitive to criticism.

So if you've had a boss who blew up every time you gave even the teeniest hint that their idea was imperfect or gave them feedback on something, you could have hit that nerve.

Going back to that Native American saying that 'all criticism is borne of someone else's pain', someone who is constantly judging themselves and living in fear of others doing the same is in major pain.

And it's easier to project that pain outwards, towards others, than to look in the mirror and do the 'inside work' we need, to free ourselves from it.

So a nightmare boss running Imposter Syndrome can become highly critical of team members, judging them in a subconscious pre-emptive move to protect themselves. And that's a painful person to work for.

That doesn't excuse the nightmare boss' behaviour. But it might help us to realise that it's not really about us - and that the criticism they're throwing at us isn't really true.

My research shows that the onset or worsening of Imposter Syndrome can turn a rising star into a micro-managing bully boss running a now-toxic team in just a few weeks.

All of these warning signs are examples of why it's dangerous for an organisation to ignore Imposter Syndrome - to hope it will go away or that people will simply cope with it.


Why aren't we doing more about this?

Well, it starts with the Imposter Syndrome taboo. We feel shame when we're experiencing Imposter Syndrome, thinking we're the only one who doesn't have their act together, terrified at 3am that 'they' will 'find us out'.

This leaves millions struggling in silence - and their coping strategies can become destructive.

The second reason is that most people don't actually know what to do. How do you open up the conversation? How do you go beyond the 'tea and sympathy' stage to actually make a difference for people?

How do you make asking for support with Imposter Syndrome as acceptable as, say, Microsoft Excel training?

That's why I run training to help with this.

If you want to be able to support people with Imposter Syndrome on a 'first aid' basis, being able to suggest solutions that actually make a difference (and get past the worry of how they might take you raising the topic!) then my Certified Imposter Syndrome First-Aider course is ideal.

It gives you practical strategies to help people right there in the moment when they might self-sabotage, and also on a preventative basis.

Imposter Syndrome First Aider - Find Out More

And if you're running Imposter Syndrome yourself and want to do something about the negative self-talk that it gets running wild, making your biggest decisions for you, then my Inner Critic Bootcamp training shows you how to press 'pause' on all that in under sixty seconds, and how to retrain your internal dialogue to become a genuine cheerleader.

Inner Critic Bootcamp - Book Your Place


And I'd love to hear from you:

Now you know these five warning signs that a nightmare boss might be running Imposter Syndrome, how do you think teams and organisations might handle this differently? Here's where we're talking about this.

Clare