July 2012

It’s Not Really Meant For You… Or Is It?

That person who is bugging the wotsits out of you? It’s very unlikely that they’re deliberately trying to annoy you.

Ok, I have to concede that some people – very rarely – do get a kick out of annoying a particular person. But that’s usually the realm of stalkers and those with clinical psychological problems.

The rest of the time, it’s not really about us.

Even someone who is going out of their way to annoy you (or so it seems) is usually simply too caught up in their own ‘stuff’ to notice the impact of their behaviour.

We have all done it, to some extent: lashing out at the next person who crosses our path, because we needed some kind of release of pent-up stress, frustration or whichever other emotion was hanging around.

Sometimes we find ourselves caught in a situation where someone is regularly behaving in a way that is unacceptable. Even then, it is still unlikely to be about us – unless we are behaving unacceptably in return. It is much more likely that the other person is acting from some deep inner pain and has got into the habit of directing it at one person, because they get some kind of secondary gain – some kind of ‘reward’ from it.

What can we do?

Ideally, before we go into the situation with guns blazing, we need to have an honest look in the mirror and check whether we are stuck in the drama created by our Monkey Mind. We need to ask ourselves what is ‘real’ about the situation.

Then it’s about setting boundaries. We need to choose how we respond, so we don’t fuel the situation. We need to accept that we can’t change the other person – we can’t force them to play nicely – we can only change the way we respond, inside our mind and in the outside world.

Even if someone’s behaviour is unacceptable, we can still choose to feel compassionate towards the person.

Though it can feel tough.

Tomorrow we’ll be talking about the question you can ask yourself that can open the doors to feeling more compassionate. And on Thursday we’ll be covering a technique that allows you to filter out what’s for you and what’s not. On Friday we’ll be looking at a simple exercise you can do, which has the power to release you from the other person’s drama, to reconnect with feeling good about things.

But for today, please remember, it’s probably not about you. 🙂

Wishing you sunshine and laughter,
Namaste,
Clare

P.S. If this is an issue for you, I cover it in detail – with all of my hottest insider secret solutions – in weeks 11, 12 and 13 of Living From Your Heart. It might be worth you considering joining us. It would be an honour to share the journey with you. xx

Five Things You Need To Know About Meditating On A Chair

Inspirational Messages

Our typical image of someone meditating is of a person sitting on the floor, with their legs twisted into a pretzel shape, with a faux-serene look on their face, disguising the inner agony.

Fortunately, it doesn’t have to be that way!

Good posture is the key to both comfortable meditation and also staying awake during your meditation.

When I run my face-to-face classes for beginners, we bust the meditation posture myth by starting off on chairs. There are several reasons for this: [Read more…] about Five Things You Need To Know About Meditating On A Chair

Why Do We Find It So Hard To Get Started?

Inspirational Messages

Bonus article for members of the 28 Day Meditation Challenge.

So it’s the first few days of the 28 Day Meditation Challenge and there’s a chance you’ve not started yet.

Don’t worry – you’re not alone!

One of the things we often see at the online forum is people asking for help to get started. It can be tricky to overcome the inertia and get started with making change, in any area of life.

It’s as though the first day of meditation has become a really big thing for us. As human beings, we’re pretty good at building up the proverbial molehill to the size of a mountain.

What’s going on? And what can you do about it?

Be Careful Who You’re Letting Rent Space In Your Head

How To Change Your Life

I had a useful reminder of this one recently.

Watch out who you’re letting rent the space in your head. It’s ok to evict any tenant who’s dragging you down.

I’m normally pretty good at being able to keep other people’s ‘stuff’ out of my ‘head-rent-space’. But there’s been a situation over the past week where I’m having to deal with someone who is feeling very stressed and pretty sad – and I’ve been letting them pass it on to me.

How did I spot it?

Because I was spending a lot of my spare time thinking and talking about that person and their behaviour and – here’s the crunch – I was feeling irritated and stressed, whenever I thought about the situation. My Monkey Mind’s story machine was in overdrive.

I was letting them live in my head, rent-free, and was letting their issues impact the way I was feeling.

It’s a surprisingly common problem.
It can lead to stress and worry, with a massive dollop of negative thinking and generally feeling bad.

What can you do, when someone else is camping out in your head?

Let go of the story!

Here’s a quick – but highly effective – 3-step action plan:

Ask yourself (very honestly!): what’s true in this – and what’s drama? Let go of everything that’s drama. It will feel better – instantly – especially if you do this from a place of compassion, rather than anger. (Remember: all criticism is borne of someone else’s pain)
Ask yourself: do I need to take any specific action to improve this situation? If yes, do it. If no, let go and move on.
Each time that person pops back into your head space, lovingly remind yourself that you have chosen not to play that game any more and think of something else. If you find that hard, you can always experiment with the ‘cutting old ties‘ exercise.

It’s not about rejecting the other person.

It is about setting clear boundaries (with yourself!) and accepting responsibility for the fact that who and what you let hang around in your head will impact your exoerience of life – and we always have choice.

I’m curious: is there anything going on for you where this might help today?

When you experiment with this, you’ll notice you end up with a wonderful sense of relief, when the job is done.

Wishing you a day full of sunshine and laughter.
Namaste,
Clare

This article is an excerpt from The Little Book Of Daily Sunshine by Clare Josa.

Does It Pass The Eightieth Birthday Test?

How To Change Your Life

Want a simple technique to help figure out whether that thing that’s stressing you really matters?

Here’s one of my favourites – the eightieth birthday test.

“Does it pass the eightieth birthday test? If not, then it’s not really important.”

How often do we get fixated on proving a point in an argument? Or feeling stuck over what seems to be a big decision? It’s a major cause of stress – and relationship problems.

Luckily there’s a simple test you can apply, to figure out if it really matters.

Imagine it’s your eightieth birthday – or a birthday at least ten years ahead.

Look back at the event from today and see it with the eyes, heart and experience of that eighty year old you.

Does that old choice or action make any difference to the eighty year old you? Did it change the course of your life? If yes, was it in a way that you would want?

What advice would the eighty year old you give the younger you, in this situation?

Coming back to the hear and now, what have you discovered?

I’m curious: is there a situation where you could experiment with this technique today?

When you experiment with this, you’ll notice you end up with a wonderful sense of relief, when the job is done.

Wishing you a day full of sunshine and laughter.
Namaste,
Clare

This article is an excerpt from The Little Book Of Daily Sunshine by Clare Josa.

How A Pair Of Imaginary Scissors Can Help You Let Go Of The Past

Inspirational Messages

I’m curious: how did you get on with the eightieth birthday test? It can be a really useful tool for cutting through to what really matters – and even choosing when it’s time to let go of old ‘stuff’.

But sometimes, even if we want to let something go, it can still hang around. And fortunately there’s a really simple technique you can use, to send it on its way. Interested?

“When it’s time to let go of an old habit, belief or thought pattern – or a memory from the past – all you need to do is grab your imaginary scissors….”

The past – be it habits, beliefs or memories – can feel like it is tied to us with invisible bits of string. No matter how often we tell it we are done with it, it can pop back and keep us stuck.

So here’s my favourite 30 second process for finally letting go.

Firstly, you need to notice and acknowledge that the old pattern, habit, belief or memory is still around.
Then, rather than rejecting it, it’s important to accept it – not to resist. That doesn’t mean indulging in it, but if you’re pushing it away, then you can’t work with it in the next stage.
It really helps to be able to say thank you to it. It doesn’t mean you have to feel happy about it or pretend that that old experience was ok, but everything we experience can be used for our growth and learning, at some level. You might choose to imagine you can talk to this old thought, belief, habit or memory and perhaps say something like:

“Even though I might not fully understand why you were part of my life, I thank you for however it was you were trying to help me. Now I choose to let go and move on. Our work together is done.”

Then imagine you can see the invisible cord of energy, connecting you to that old belief / memory. Take your big imaginary scissors and cut that cord – all the way through. Fill both ends with love, as they melt away. Then allow that old habit / belief to drift away, gone and finished.
If it ever comes back, repeat the process. When you cut the ties, you are making a choice to let go and release. Any return (if it happens) will be milder. It rarely takes more than two or three goes to let go completely. One is usually enough. If you find you’re holding on to the old issue, you can always check it against the Eightieth Birthday Test. That normally sorts things out!

You can use this process with ‘stuck emotions’, too. it’s exactly the same and it can instantly improve your mood.

When you experiment with this, you’ll notice you end up with a wonderful sense of relief, when the job is done.

Wishing you a day full of sunshine and laughter.
Namaste,
Clare

This article is an excerpt from The Little Book Of Daily Sunshine by Clare Josa.

Archives for July 2012

Here’s a quick – but highly effective – 3-step action plan: