That person who is bugging the wotsits out of you? It’s very unlikely that they’re deliberately trying to annoy you.
Ok, I have to concede that some people – very rarely – do get a kick out of annoying a particular person. But that’s usually the realm of stalkers and those with clinical psychological problems.
The rest of the time, it’s not really about us.
Even someone who is going out of their way to annoy you (or so it seems) is usually simply too caught up in their own ‘stuff’ to notice the impact of their behaviour.
We have all done it, to some extent: lashing out at the next person who crosses our path, because we needed some kind of release of pent-up stress, frustration or whichever other emotion was hanging around.
Sometimes we find ourselves caught in a situation where someone is regularly behaving in a way that is unacceptable. Even then, it is still unlikely to be about us – unless we are behaving unacceptably in return. It is much more likely that the other person is acting from some deep inner pain and has got into the habit of directing it at one person, because they get some kind of secondary gain – some kind of ‘reward’ from it.
What can we do?
Ideally, before we go into the situation with guns blazing, we need to have an honest look in the mirror and check whether we are stuck in the drama created by our Monkey Mind. We need to ask ourselves what is ‘real’ about the situation.
Then it’s about setting boundaries. We need to choose how we respond, so we don’t fuel the situation. We need to accept that we can’t change the other person – we can’t force them to play nicely – we can only change the way we respond, inside our mind and in the outside world.
Even if someone’s behaviour is unacceptable, we can still choose to feel compassionate towards the person.
Though it can feel tough.
Tomorrow we’ll be talking about the question you can ask yourself that can open the doors to feeling more compassionate. And on Thursday we’ll be covering a technique that allows you to filter out what’s for you and what’s not. On Friday we’ll be looking at a simple exercise you can do, which has the power to release you from the other person’s drama, to reconnect with feeling good about things.
But for today, please remember, it’s probably not about you. 🙂
Wishing you sunshine and laughter,
P.S. If this is an issue for you, I cover it in detail – with all of my hottest insider secret solutions – in weeks 11, 12 and 13 of Living From Your Heart. It might be worth you considering joining us. It would be an honour to share the journey with you. xx