Your ego says it’s not your fault.
It’s all the other person’s fault. It’s something they said or did – or didn’t say or do. Or it’s circumstances. Or it’s your job. Or it’s the government. Or even the weather. It’s definitely not your fault.
When given the choice between feeling happy or being a victim, your ego chooses “victim” every time.
But why? That doesn’t make sense? Or does it…?
Yes!
Because if your ego were to choose “happiness” instead of being a victim, it would have to accept the fact that you and you alone are 100% responsible for whatever you’re currently feeling, thinking or doing. And that’s such a terrifying prospect for your ego that it would do anything possible to avoid it – including sabotaging your attempts to feel happy.
This means that, in your ego’s world, it’s completely ok for you to feel livid at the person who cut you up on the roundabout or to get grumpy with the call centre person who won’t deal with your query the way you want. It’s absolutely fine to feel miserable because you didn’t get your own way or to shout at someone for doing something you thought was wrong or stupid. Being ratty and having a short fuse is all part of the game that others should just learn to deal with.
What’s the alternative?
Taking 100% reponsibility for the fact that, whilst you might not feel you directly created the events around you, you alone can choose how you respond to them. That means you have a choice when someone cuts you up in traffic. You have a choice when someone is rude to you. You have a choice when someone makes a mistake.
You can choose to fall into victim mode and go for the drama, or you can see the event for what it really is, search for the life lesson in it, smile and move on.
The thing with this is it isn’t even a sliding scale. You’re either accepting responsibility for your emotions or you’re not. You can’t do it a “little bit”. Yes, it can vary throughout the day, but in each individual situation, you’re in “either – or”, not both.
One of the keys to feeling happy is to grab back the power from your ego – reclaim your ability to choose how you respond to what you’re experiencing. Send your ego on a holiday. Drop the drama!
My challenge to you today is to catch yourself at your game! The next time “somebody else does something to annoy you”, take a deep breath before you choose how to respond. And notice how easy it is to turn things around, once you’re back steering your ship.
Love,
Clare x