You’re sitting with your gratitude journal, pen in hand, staring at a blank page, ready to write… and nothing comes… You sit… You wait… Your Monkey Mind is screaming at you about all the stuff that’s bad or wrong in your life… And you can’t get anywhere near ‘gratitude’. You’ve got gratitude-stage-fright. What can you do? Here are seven quick and easy fixes to turn things around.
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What’s The Difference Between Fear And Excitement?
I remember this one from years ago, when I was studying to become an NLP Trainer. I still remember how I reacted to first hearing it, too. So I invite you to bear with me on this one, before you pick up those rotten tomatoes to lob my way 😉
The difference between fear and excitement is about 2 inches.
OK, for some people it can be 5 inches, but the idea is the same.
What on earth am I talking about?
We feel every emotion at a point in our body. For most of us, we experience the physical sensation of fear and nervousness in the stomach area. Our language describes it as the ‘pit of my stomach’ or having a ‘gut instinct’ about something. And for most of us, excitement is pretty close by. We describe it as butterflies in our stomach. Many of us experience fear – and excitement – as affecting our digestive system. Since emotions are chemical reactions in our body, they are inextricably linked with our physical experience.
The difference between the location of fear and the location of excitement is about 2-5 inches. Often (but not for everyone), fear is about 2 inches lower than excitement.
Please bear in mind that I’m talking about the kind of fear we feel when we have a big project or challenge or change to work on – the type that stops us from doing what we really want to do or say – rather than the ‘Watch out – there’s a sabre-toothed tiger over there and he’s looking hungry’ variety.
The great news is:
While our Monkey Mind is telling stories of ‘scared’ and ‘anxious’, we can shift the emotion to ‘anticipation’ and even ‘excitement’ by working with the body.
So if there’s something you want to achieve, or a dream you want to turn into reality, there’s no need to fight your Monkey Mind. instead you can play with this technique:
Use the power of your intention to move that feeling of ‘scared’ or ‘nervous’ physically into excitement.
- Think about something who’s want to do that you feel nervous or apprehensive about – we’re looking for a 3 out of 10 – no biggies here, and certainly no anxiety attack-scale fears! We’re just playing with the technique.
- Notice where in your stomach area (most likely) you feel that emotion. Take a moment to connect with the physical sensation.
- Then imagine you are moving it a few inches higher up your body.
- Notice what happens. What happens to the emotions that you feel? What happens to the thoughts you are thinking?
For most of us, this simple technique is enough to turn apprehension into anticipation. And from anticipation, it’s a much smaller step to a sense of bubbling excitement.
Moving from fear to excitement doesn’t just make us feel better – it shifts our focus away from problems and towards potential solutions. And it improves our performance at whatever that task is.
The more you play with this, the easier it becomes, until you find it’s an instinctive reaction and life becomes much less serious. It becomes more exciting, fun and playful.
Is there a situation in your life where you could play with this technique today? I’d love to hear how you get on, via the comments box!
And if you want to deal with the secret triggers for our mind-story fears, you’ll love the strategies in my book Ditching Imposter Syndrome. You can find out more and get your copy here.
Why Are We So Scared Of Changing?
Have you ever wondered why so many of us go along putting up with things we don’t like about our life, but doing nothing about it?
You see it all the time.
“I hate my job,” says a friend, “but there’s nothing else out there.”
“I don’t really like this house, but I can’t afford to move.”
“My girlfriend and I aren’t really that happy any more, but I don’t want to break up with her.”
It seems to be an accepted fact that change is bad. Scary. Not to be done. We build change up into such a big thing that we become paralysed in its wake.
We build up watertight excuses and beliefs around that change, to stop us from having to take any action. We pretend the change is a huge mountain that we couldn’t possibly climb, so we turn our back on it.
So we go on, day becoming week becoming month and then year, putting up with things that make us feel miserable, forgetting what it felt like to have our heart sing, because that might require change.
But then there comes a day when something snaps and the scales tip. We realise we have to do something. We can’t leave things as they are. And we take steps to make that change.
When working with clients, it’s easy to spot those who are ready to change – and do – and those who aren’t yet ready – so won’t. And nowadays I can finally see it in myself, too. 😉 And no one can force you to be ready to change.
Change can’t happen until the pain of changing becomes less than the pain of staying the same.
Or, as Anasis Nin beautifullly puts it:
And the day came when the risk to remain a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~ Anasis Nin
We build the fear of change into something of such great proportions that we numb out the pain of staying the same. We use all sorts of creative excuses and behaviours to pretend we don’t mind. We eat too much, drink too much, smoke, go out too much, get angry, drive too fast, exercise too much, even meditate too much – all trying to block out the pain of our reality, because we’re so scared of changing.
What Can We Do?
- The first step towards being able to change is to understand what – specifically – we are scared of.
Writing down a list can help stop our inner critic from creating even more drama. - Then, for each item on your list, be really objective – is it “real” – or is it just the projection of a scared Ego-mind?
Usually we find that very little of it is real. - Once you have got your fears back under control, you can start looking at the excuses you’re using to avoid having to change.
They’re usually deeply-held beliefs that we picked up years ago, that protect us from ever having to get out of our comfort zone… Wayne Dyer has a great audio CD on how to let go of excuses that have been holding us back (a recording of a 2 day workshop), if you fancy some support on that one. Have to admit I’m still listening to this set in the car and finding it inspiring. - Then, it’s about deciding whether you really want the change. And, if you do, breaking it down into baby steps.
The Dalai Lama reminds us that if you stand really close to any problem in life, you can successfully make it look enormous. But if you step back and get things into perspective, it always looks smaller and more manageable.
Being scared of making a change is just our unconscious mind’s way of telling us the change is important to us, but outside of our comfort zone.
And yet nothing always stays the same. Change is an essential part of living and growing. Without it, we would stagnate. It’s being attached to the present and worrying about the future that makes it scary. And, deep down, we know we have a choice about both of those, don’t we?
What is there in your life, today, that you might be ready to change? And how could you take that first step? I’d love to hear your thoughts via the comments box.
Thank you!
Clare