Clare Josa | Author And Keynote Speaker

UK's Foremost Imposter Syndrome Expert, International Keynote Speaker & 8x Author

no more excuses

Dealing With The #1 Life-Change Excuse, Once And For All?

How To Change Your Life

Is It Time To Deal With The #1 Life-Change Excuse, Once And For All?

Over the past decade of helping people to change their lives, there is one excuse that comes up over and over again – and I know I have used it often enough myself.

It’s the one reason that sneaks in and silently sabotages even the most well-intentioned New Year Resolutions and life-change commitments.

And, in truth, it’s the easiest objection to deal with – once you know how to spot it, tie it down and tell it where to go!

So what is the #1 life-change excuse?

“But I don’t have enough time!”

When you’re stuck in the middle of ‘doing’ your old thoughts, feelings and habits, it can feel difficult to take the time out to stand back and become aware of which bits you want to change. Yet that time will repay you, every single day, for the rest of your life.

We become so convinced by our ‘lack of time’ excuses, that there’s no room left for us to change.

Would we rather spend the next fifty years going through the pain and hurt and everything else we currently feel – and all the ‘dis-ease’ it brings with it – than dedicate a few minutes a day to making the shifts we secretly dream of?

Is it really true that our lives are too full, to find the time?

Surely much of our time is taken up by the very patterns we want to shift?

Here’s a solution:

How To Magically Create The Time To Change Your Life

It’s true that we often believe we don’t have enough time. But there’s a difference between truth and belief.

We believe our stories and excuses, because – at some unconscious level – they protect us from having to do the scary thing and actually make those changes. We tell them to ourselves so often that they become a pseudo-truth that we no longer question – like ‘received wisdom’. And because our friends and family tell themselves (and us) the same story, we even start to believe in other people’s excuses!

But is it really true?

It’s funny how, for example, if someone falls in love, they suddenly find plenty of free evenings and weekends to spend with that wonderful new person. They watch less TV; they read fewer magazines; they spend less time on the internet; they spend less time on chores – often working more efficiently; they waste less time on distractions; they use their time more intentionally; they drop anything that’s not essential.

If you can do all of that to find time for someone else, is it really so hard to find 5-10 minutes a day for yourself? To do something that could improve your life, each and every day, for the rest of your life?

There are many ‘important’ jobs and distractions during a day that steal our time; things that crop up unexpectedly, to which we give our immediate attention. Everything else falls off the table, including the time we had set aside for working on ‘ourselves’. Yet if we were to tell those distractions, “I’ll come back to you later,” it’s amazing how often they either go away or take less time.

The classic example is a phone call. You’re in the middle of something important, but you answer the phone anyway. The conversation takes ten minutes, then you go back to what you were doing. But you found the ten minutes for the interruption.

So why do we tell ourselves that it’s so hard to schedule in ten minutes to change our lives?

What would happen if you simply put the time in your diary?

How much easier would it feel to make that commitment to yourself, if you actually schedule it?

And it’s worth looking at the ‘real’ reasons behind the ‘time excuse’.

What are you worried will happen, if you do make that change?
What are you worried won’t happen any more?

If we’re really honest, if we’re still using the ‘not enough time’ excuse, then perhaps we haven’t really committed to making that change, yet?

My Top Tips For Finding More Time

  1. Set a time for your change practice each day – and stick to it. Treat it like an appointment.
  2. Be realistic. By all means set yourself a challenging goal, but break it down into achievable chunks, to fit alongside your other commitments.
  3. If something needs to drop off the table, to create the time you need, take action to make that happen.
  4. If you need moral support, ask for it! Your family, friends and colleagues might surprise you with their desire to help and support you in making those changes.
  5. Figure out WHY you want to make that change. Then each distraction can get weighed against the ‘big why’. It makes prioritising so much easier!

I’m curious: have you been using time as an excuse?
Is it time to stop that?
Which change could you commit to find time for – today? Please let me know, via the comments!

arrow-no-bgThis is a bonus article from A Year Full Of Gratitude – join us today and discover for yourself what the excitement is about !

Why Are We So Scared Of Changing?

How To Change Your Life

Have you ever wondered why so many of us go along putting up with things we don’t like about our life, but doing nothing about it?

You see it all the time.

Does changing feel like climbing a mountain?“I hate my job,” says a friend, “but there’s nothing else out there.”

“I don’t really like this house, but I can’t afford to move.”

“My girlfriend and I aren’t really that happy any more, but I don’t want to break up with her.”

It seems to be an accepted fact that change is bad. Scary. Not to be done. We build change up into such a big thing that we become paralysed in its wake.

We build up watertight excuses and beliefs around that change, to stop us from having to take any action. We pretend the change is a huge mountain that we couldn’t possibly climb, so we turn our back on it.

So we go on, day becoming week becoming month and then year, putting up with things that make us feel miserable, forgetting what it felt like to have our heart sing, because that might require change.

But then there comes a day when something snaps and the scales tip. We realise we have to do something. We can’t leave things as they are. And we take steps to make that change.

When working with clients, it’s easy to spot those who are ready to change – and do – and those who aren’t yet ready – so won’t. And nowadays I can finally see it in myself, too. 😉 And no one can force you to be ready to change.

Change can’t happen until the pain of changing becomes less than the pain of staying the same.

Or, as Anasis Nin beautifullly puts it:

And the day came when the risk to remain a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~ Anasis Nin

We build the fear of change into something of such great proportions that we numb out the pain of staying the same. We use all sorts of creative excuses and behaviours to pretend we don’t mind. We eat too much, drink too much, smoke, go out too much, get angry, drive too fast, exercise too much, even meditate too much – all trying to block out the pain of our reality, because we’re so scared of changing.

What Can We Do?

  • The first step towards being able to change is to understand what – specifically – we are scared of.
    Writing down a list can help stop our inner critic from creating even more drama.
  • Then, for each item on your list, be really objective – is it “real” – or is it just the projection of a scared Ego-mind?
    Usually we find that very little of it is real.
  • Once you have got your fears back under control, you can start looking at the excuses you’re using to avoid having to change.
    Wayne Dyer - Excuses Begone They’re usually deeply-held beliefs that we picked up years ago, that protect us from ever having to get out of our comfort zone… Wayne Dyer has a great audio CD on how to let go of excuses that have been holding us back (a recording of a 2 day workshop), if you fancy some support on that one. Have to admit I’m still listening to this set in the car and finding it inspiring.
  • Then, it’s about deciding whether you really want the change. And, if you do, breaking it down into baby steps.
    The Dalai Lama reminds us that if you stand really close to any problem in life, you can successfully make it look enormous. But if you step back and get things into perspective, it always looks smaller and more manageable.

Being scared of making a change is just our unconscious mind’s way of telling us the change is important to us, but outside of our comfort zone.

And yet nothing always stays the same. Change is an essential part of living and growing. Without it, we would stagnate. It’s being attached to the present and worrying about the future that makes it scary. And, deep down, we know we have a choice about both of those, don’t we?

What is there in your life, today, that you might be ready to change? And how could you take that first step? I’d love to hear your thoughts via the comments box.

Thank you!

Clare

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