How To Change Your Life Archives ~ Page 10 of 12 ~ Clare Josa

Quick Fix: Feeling Stressed? De-Stress Grounding Breath Works In Under A Minute

Here’s a super-easy quick fix for whenever you’re feeling stressed or worried, for whatever reason. You can do it any time, any place – even when you’re surrounded by people. And once you know how to do it, it’ll become second nature, helping you gently let go of whatever is bothering you in a matter of seconds.

Sounds good? Here’s how to do it!

Grounding Breath

If you are feeling tense, stressed or worried, this exercise takes less than 60 seconds to release those feelings: [Read more…] about Quick Fix: Feeling Stressed? De-Stress Grounding Breath Works In Under A Minute

Finding It Hard To Get To Sleep? Bedtime De-Stress With The Gratitude Spiral

How To Change Your Life

Sometimes in life, especially when we’re stressed, it can be difficult to fall asleep.

It’s as though the worries of daily life just keep going round and round in our mind.

Stress – doesn’t have to be something that keeps you awake at night.

Rather than fighting your thoughts, which just feeds them and keeps them at the centre of your attention, there are many simple techniques that cost nothing, but make a huge difference!

Here’s one of my favourites. [Read more…] about Finding It Hard To Get To Sleep? Bedtime De-Stress With The Gratitude Spiral

Are You Still Waiting To Change The World?

How To Change Your Life

“Think one person can’t make a difference? Try spending the night in a room with a mosquito.”

Paraphrasing Gandhi!

Most of us have a deep, inner calling to make a difference to the world.

Yet it can be so easy to fall into the trap of thinking “I can’t make a difference” or “who am I to take this on?”.

We all know how it works: it’s as though a fear of failure – or perhaps the even greater fear of success – keeps us from diving in and doing what we feel truly called to do. Sometimes the calling is so strong that ignoring it can lead to us feeling down and can even create “dis-ease” on a physical level.

We can put off stepping onto our “real path” for years, waiting until we feel “ready”. But the catch is: we rarely feel “ready”.

There will always be someone who knows more than you. There will always be someone who has more experience than you. There will always be someone who seems to have got there first.

Yet each of us can make a difference to the world – starting today. If we wait till we’re “ready”, there are so many people who will have missed out on what we have to share. Whatever your dream, whatever your calling, there’s no point in waiting till the circumstances are perfect – they never will be!

You don’t have to dive in to start – you can just dip your toe in the water.

The great thing is we don’t have to start with the big stuff.

We can start with the baby steps that make a difference to the world, one breath at a time.

Even sharing a smile with someone could lift their mood (and yours!) and start making a difference to the world.

Perhaps you could perform a random act of kindness, without expectation of gratitude or anything in return?

The amazing thing is that these baby steps soon build momentum. It becomes easier to see ways in which we – as individuals – could make a difference.

And then taking action becomes something we have to do – overcoming any fears or feelings of inadequacy.

If you have a secret yearning to make a difference to the world, one of the best ways to start is to share that yearning with someone.

It can be hard to open up and tell friends and loved ones, perhaps for fear of ridicule or embarrassment.

So I’m offering you a helping hand.

If you want to change the world – and want to tell someone about it – how about telling me? Making that commitment to get started or up your game is so much easier, if there’s someone there to acknowledge your courage. If you want to go public, you could post your dream on in the comments section for this post.

If you have a friend or family member you could tell, do so! Choose someone who you know will react supportively. Stepping onto your path might take less courage than you think, if you build a good support team around you.

The world needs you now. And you will never be more ready than in this moment.

Thank you for stepping on to your path.

Let me know how you get on!

With love,

Clare x

Why I’m Glad I Didn’t Make It!

How To Change Your Life

This weekend I set out, with 3 team members, to achieve a massive life challenge – walking 60 miles in a day, up and down massive hills. Months of commitment and investment – physical and emotional – went into the challenge. I didn’t make it to the end. Some would say I failed. But I’m glad. Really happy about it.

Find out why not making it to your dream can be better than achieving it.

But before I start – an amazingly big, proud congratulations to everyone who completed the Oxfam Trailwalker 2010 this weekend. And equally amazing congratulations to everyone who got their boots on, but didn’t make it past the finish line. You’re all amazing. Huge respect! 🙂

Most of us never get round to getting off their backsides, to work towards our dreams. No offence, but for most of us, life gets “in the way”. So when we tell others we’re going to “do something”, it’s like sticking our neck out and taking a risk.

The problem is that we judge each other more for failing than for not trying in the first place.

Crazy, eh?

When we feel called to set ourselves a major life challenge – whatever form that may take – it’s easy to become obsessed with achieving this incredible feat.

The problem is that our constant focus on the goal means we often miss out on the journey.

Getting ready for the challenge of a lifetime

For the last 6 months, we have been training, planning, re-planning, trying not to panic and generally getting stressed about our epic “walk-60-miles-in-a-day” challenge. Without intending it, our weekends were eaten up by practice walks, our evenings were taken up by discussing strategy and planning for contingencies and we don’t remember the last time we just had fun, without feeling guilty about not training… Life was passing us by.

It’s so easy to become obsessed.

It means that if we miss our goal by even the tiniest of margins, we feel like a total failure. We lose our sense of perspective. What we achieve might be incredible and life-changing, but because we didn’t do all we set out to do, we think we failed. We judge ourselves. We beat ourselves up. We assume others will judge us. That’s a pretty icky place to hang out.

Because we think we failed, we can’t see that what we achieved was still amazing.

We give ourselves a hard time and add the experience to our “I’m rubbish” justification file!

But that’s not what life is about.

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t have goals and dreams. Just the opposite! Goals and dreams can drive our motivation and act as a sign-post, to guide us on life’s path. Without dreams, we would most likely stagnate and never achieve our full potential. Having a clear goal and putting all your efforts towards achieving it can be an amazing experience, especially if that goal is a real stretch.

The problem is when the goal or dream takes over – or when you feel obliged to continue persuing the goal, even if it no longer fits with who you are. Then we’re at risk of getting attached to the end result being exactly as we have imagined.

Anything else then feels like disappointment and failure. That’s where the pain lies.

Only my condemnation injures me. Only my own forgiveness sets me free.

A Course In Miracles

When I dropped out of our group challenge after “only” 50km (30 miles) with a knee injury, I felt devastated. I felt I was letting the team down. I felt like a failure. I felt like I had achieved nothing. The fact I had repeatedly pushed myself through pain and exhaustion barriers towards the end of the previous 50km counted for nothing.

I had failed.

Waving them off to continue their challenge is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I felt like months of preparation and training had been wasted.
But deep down I knew that continuing would only make the knee injury worse, potentially repeating the cycle that led to me needing knee surgery, 10 years ago. Back then I injured my knee, but kept going on a mixture of pure determination and pain killers. I wasn’t going to repeat that experience.
Plus, given the challenge’s time constraints, we had all agreed that anyone seriously slowing the team down would withdraw, to allow the rest of the team to finish within the time limit. So that’s what I did.
But I still felt terrible.

Reaching For Your Dreams

Try not so hard;
Instead, allow life to flow through you,
Unfurling magically
As you let go and trust.

If it hurts, you’re out of flow;
Resisting, forcing your will.
The journey is not without detour,
But the flow is beauty.

When we are 100% focused on a certain outcome, we are also at risk of blinkered repetition of past mistakes or staying stuck in old behaviours.

Heading down a chosen path is often about giving ourselves the chance to learn and grow, integrating life lessons, rather than about reaching the intended destination.

The joy of life is in celebrating the beauty of every moment; not waiting to celebrate until we have done something “worth it”.

And every breath can become a cause for celebration, if we are using our life for the greater good of all Beings, making the most of our gifts and living life to the full.

For some, that will mean pushing themselves beyond their limits. For others it will mean knowing when to stop.

Only you can ever know which is the right choice for you.

You are a wonderful person, with your own set of unique gifts with which to serve the world.

You are capable of achieving your dreams and making a difference to the lives you touch.

But by focussing entirely on that dream, we’re at risk of the magical moments of everyday life passing us by.

It is only by celebrating every step of our journey – including difficult choices – even when life takes us on a detour – that we are really alive in each moment. That is the true path to happiness.

Sometimes we create expectations around our goal that mean we end up forcing ourselves towards it, missing the signs for a path that might have been more fulfilling.

Sometimes, as time passes, our goal or dream no longer fits with who we have become. But our dogged attachment to the outcome blinds us to this and leads to inner conflict. Our deeper wisdom is trying to tell us we’re heading in the wrong direction, whilst we stoicly insist on maintaining the previous course.

Sometimes, particularly with a large, publicly declared goal, it is our projected fears about others’ expectations that keep us going, long past the point of realising we’re off-course. We’re too worried about what other people might say.

As a society, we criticise people for changing their minds or admitting they were wrong.

And we want to do everything we can, to avoid that criticism.

Knowing when to stop, even when that’s letting go of your dream, is a very brave act.

Pendella Buchanan

Sometimes we reach our dreams, just as we planned. And that’s an incredible achievement.

Sometimes we have to reach into our hearts and have the wisdom to change our direction, making difficult choices.

When the going gets tough... — Sometimes the going can get really tough…

I felt so proud of everyone else in our team – they all did their 100km. Incredible. But I needed to get to the point where I could feel proud of myself for not making it.

It took me a while to be able to let go of my feeling of “failure”. And, since I was beating myself up, I unsurprisingly attracted people around me to pass judgement and reinforce my feelings of self-loathing!

Then, when my perspective widened, I was able to see that I hadn’t failed – I had succeeded – albeit in a slightly different dream.

As a team, we had walked 350km between us. We had raised nearly £3,000 to help save and change lives. We had all pushed ourselves to our respective limits. We had all supported each other to the best of our ability.

Only when I was able to feel at peace with changing the parameters of my goal was I able to return to any sense of inner peace about the outcome!

Sometimes the gift is in not reaching our dreams, though this often takes time to show.

Maybe more of us would feel brave enough to reach for our dreams

if we were less scared of how “society” might react if we don’t reach them.

I find it so sad how many of us don’t dare to dream, for fear of failure.

Failure lies not in falling down.
Failure lies in not getting back up.

Chinese Proverb

Sometimes we learn – and can teach – more by stopping than continuing.

And my learning from all this?

That my dream (yes I still have them!) is to dedicate my life to inspiring others to reach for their dreams and to help them figure out how to feel happy, wherever that journey takes them.

If you have a dream that’s burning in your soul, what support could you ask for today, to help you reach for it?

And which baby step might you take, right now, to move you forwards on that journey?

Want some moral support? Join our Soul-Sized Living forum and connect with others who are taking daily baby steps towards their dreams 🙂 www.ClareJosa.com/join-soulsizedliving

10 Happiness Secrets From A 4 Year-Old

How To Change Your Life

If you want to feel happier, sometimes it can be best to go back to basics and learn from those around us who seem happiest. In my life, that’s probably my 4 year old.

He seems to have happiness pretty much sussed.

We often believe that wisdom comes with age. But sometimes the years cause us to forget what’s really important, as we get bogged down in the details of how to worry, stress and feel grumpy. We can focus so much on teaching our kids the things we think we know, that we can forget how much they have to teach us.

So, just in case you’re up for remembering how to feel happier, here are 10 happiness secrets that my wee one would like to share with us “grown ups”!

Following Your Bliss – Are You Suffering From "Should-itus"?

How To Change Your Life

How do most of us spend the day?

Probably doing the same old, same old. Following the routine. Stuck on the treadmill of obligation and habit. Waiting for the day when things will finally change. But what if there were another way? How would it be if we could be free to follow our dreams – follow our bliss?

Instead of waiting for life to “happen to us”, thinking “I’ll be happy, when…” (fill in your personal “when” here!), how would it be if we could turn things around, right here? Right now?

Well, consider this your official kick up the butt.

Let’s zip forward a few years. Let’s imagine it’s your 80th birthday party.

You’re surrounded by those you love.

There’s a great bit cake and a real party atmosphere.

As you look around you, as the 80-year-old you, you take a moment to look back at your life – at the choices you made. You’re looking at the types of thoughts you had, the ways you acted, the decisions – big and small.

Knowing what you know as the 80-year-old you, what advice would you give the person sitting back in the here and now…?

I’m guessing it probably wouldn’t be to work harder, but perhaps to play harder.
It probably wouldn’t be to follow the rules more, but to follow your heart.
It probably wouldn’t be to keep doing things you hate, but to find things to do that you love.

Well? How about it? What’s stopping you?

Here are the usual culprits that prevent us from living our bliss:

Fear – fear that it might go wrong. Fear of what others might think.
Comfort zone – breaking out of our comfortable status quo means the vast majority of people live a life that is way below their potential for love, happiness and joy.
Expectations – we usually choose to behave the way we think people want us to, rather than the way our heart tells us is right.
We feel we don’t deserve it, at some level
We follow our heads, not our hearts

Whatever our personal excuse, do you really want to spend the next few decades living a half life?

Or is there even a glimmer of excitement at the prospect of being able to break free of the constraints that have been holding you back? Can you sense that there is more joy and bliss – or even just a glimmer of happiness – that’s yours for the taking?

In fact, it’s your birth right!

Whatever your religious (or non-religious) persuasion, there’s no law out there that says you can’t feel as much happiness as could possibly be squeezed into a human body!

We all arrive on this planet with a heart full of dreams and a driven sense of purpose.

As we grow up, we learn to forget about all this and do what we think is expected of us, rather than follow our dreams.

Are You Suffering From “Should-itus”?

Words like “should”, “ought to” and “have to” are all classic symptoms of what I call “should-itus” – the early warning sign that we’re following our head, not our heart.

With a mild case of should-itus, there’s just a general feeling of dis-ease. You’re generally ok and happy, but you’re aware that something is missing.

As should-itus progresses, the symptoms get stronger. The sense of dis-ease increases and the knowing that something is missing gets stronger.
Then we squash it with avoidance tactics – and eventually addictive behaviours. These range from “little” things like sugar, chocolate, caffeine or Facebook 😉 to narcotics, exercise addictions and other behaviours that can destroy our self-esteem and relationships.

As we grow up, we can see, deep down, that most people are just “ok”. Raising your hand and yelling to the world that you want more than “ok” is often frowned upon. We don’t want to stand out from the crowd. So we put up with feeling “ok, but mildly dissatisfied” and get on with life.

After all, who are we to aim for a more joyful life experience?

It simply doesn’t have to be that way!!!!!

The sad thing is that most of us aren’t ready to even admit there might be a path of bliss for us to follow.

And I send masses of love to those still in that very painful place.

But if you’re even a teeny bit ready to turn around and see that there’s another way to live your life, then I’m sending out a massive cheer and huge hugs to celebrate!

Are you ready to make a start on the simple changes that could transform your life?
Are you ready to head out towards a life that’s fulfilling, filled with love, light, laughter and sunshine?
Are you ready to take total responsibility for every thought, feeling and action you take?

Then welcome to the ride!

Following your bliss isn’t about throwing away everything that’s important to you about your life.

It’s about making subtle, yet powerful, changes to how we experience the life we already have. Then we can make tweaks to duck out of the stuff that ‘s not working for us and bring in more of what we love.

Would You Like A Helping Hand?

Over the coming days, weeks and months, I’m going to be blogging about following your bliss, sharing the practical steps you can take to move towards the life you deserve.

We’re going to be talking about topics including:

How do we know what your bliss is? And what is bliss anyway?
How do we move towards our bliss?
How do we handle the stuff that drags us down?
How on earth do we get a grip on the stream of negative thoughts we have every day?
How do we release the blocks that have been holding us back from following our bliss?

And if you’re already on your journey towards following your bliss, how about sharing your top tips and advice via the comments box below?

I can’t wait to hear from you!

With love,

Clare x