Clare Josa | Author And Keynote Speaker

UK's Foremost Imposter Syndrome Expert, International Keynote Speaker & 8x Author

Negative self talk

Gratitude: Why Positive Thinking Isn’t Enough

Clear Out Your Blocks

“But how do I feel gratitude? I get stuck with thinking it and it doesn’t make any difference!”

This fabulous question was asked by one of my readers this week.

It’s time to talk about the elephant in the room – why so often positive thinking isn’t enough; it doesn’t work. In fact, it can make us feel worse.

And if you’re a passionate world changer, it can hold you back from making the difference you are really here to make in the world.

If you ever get stuck in your ‘thinking mind’, you won’t want to miss this video.

Here’s a whistle-stop tour of the neuroscience behind this – and some practical inspiration for what you can do instead.

 

Let me know how you get on with the techniques I share in this video – which shifts they create for you. And how might you remind yourself to use them? I’d love to hear from you, via the comments.

And if you want more inspiration from my ‘The School Run’s Done’ series, here’s where you can find the archives.

x Clare

Clare Josa | Mentor to Passionate World Changers

P.S. Not got A Year Full Of Gratitude yet? Order your copy today and make sure you join the readers’ club to learn how to turn your inner critic into your biggest cheerleader. x C.

Did You Know That ‘Gratitude’ Can Make You Feel Worse?

Take Inspired Action

This super-common gratitude mistake can actually make us feel worse – yet nearly all of us are doing it.

Find out how to spot it – and how to avoid it – plus some ninja-tips for taming your inner critic on your passionate world changer journey:

 

And when you’ve watched this, I’d love to hear from you, via the comments:

  • Do you ever find yourself falling into this trap?
  • How does it feel to turn it around and imagine taking action from a place of feeling confident and empowered?
  • What could you do, in the next 24 hours, to put this into practice?

x Clare

Clare Josa | Author of A Year Full Of Gratitude

P.S. Not got your copy yet? Get A Year Full Of Gratitude here. And make sure you join the readers’ club to get the incredible deep-dive resources that are waiting for you there. x C.

 

How To Tame Your Inner Critic In Under Sixty Seconds [DTDB037]

Podcasts

How to tame your inner critic in under sixty seconds https://www.clarejosa.com/podcast/037I’m curious: is it time to tame your inner critic? Does yours ever catch you out? How can you spot it, before everything falls apart? And how can you get back on track? Today I want to share with you:

  • why negative self-talk isn’t all in your head
  • the invisible cycle that means a single negative thought can last for weeks, instead of minutes
  • the real cause of Imposter Syndrome
  • why you can’t ‘think’ your way out of negative thinking or Imposter Syndrome – no matter what the ‘experts’ say
  • a practical strategy: how to tame your inner critic and press ‘pause’ on Imposter Syndrome in under sixty seconds

Here’s Today’s Episode:

[smart_track_player url=”https://s3-eu-west-1.amazonaws.com/dtdbpodcast/dtdbpodcast037.mp3″ tweet_text=”Wish you could ditch your inner critic? Here’s how – in under 60 seconds” hashtag=”entrepreneur” twitter_username=”clare_josa” ]
Clare Josa's podcast - Dare To Dream Bigger - Is available on iTunes

And Here Are The Resources:

Tweetables:

[Tweet “Want to tame your #innercritic? Here’s how – in under 60 seconds.”]

[Tweet “Did you know your inner critic isn’t all in your head? Here’s how to tame it in under 60s. #entrepreneur”]

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And It’s Over To You:

How had your inner critic been getting in the way? What shifted with the ABC process?

And how might you remind yourself to play with this technique?

Let me know, via the comments.[/page_section]

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With love, Namaste,

Clare Josa, ‘Inside Work’ Mentor To Passionate World-Changers

P.S. Want to deep-dive on this and get to the root of your Imposter Syndrome issues? Is it finally time to tame your inner critic? How about jumping on my next Imposter Syndrome Mastermind or grabbing some one-to-one sessions with me?

 

Prefer reading? Here’s your transcript:

“Close your eyes,” I said to my then-boyfriend-now-husband. We had been going out for over a year.

“I’ve got a test for you – do I wear mostly baggy t-shirts or more fitted tops?” I asked, with a giggle.

He’s a visual thinker, so I figured this one would be easy for him. But the tiny signs of tension in his face showed he was having to play through his entire album of images of ‘Clare’, to get to the answer.

“Baggy tops!” he announced, with a sense of conviction and a satisfied smile.

“Open your eyes…” And he saw me wearing a fitted top. “I don’t own any baggy t-shirts,” I replied.

I had to get used to the fact that Hubs rarely notices what I wear. And to get over it! I learned that, if I wanted ‘feedback’ (aka, no your bum doesn’t look big in that, darling’) I would need to swallow my pride, ditch my preconceptions over how he ‘should’ behave and simply ask.

So, zooming forward 8 years, yesterday morning he surprised me. I was wearing a bright blue t-shirt that I was given by one of my business suppliers and was heading out to tackle the overgrown jungle we pretend is our veg patch. Totally unprovoked, The Husband says, “That colour really suits you.“

“Wha…?!“

“I said, that colour really suits you.“

Unfamiliar territory. Not only did The Man notice what I was wearing, but for perhaps only the third time in our relationship, he expressed an opinion, without being prompted.

My initial response was a slightly confused, “Thank you.“

But, as I walked downstairs, my inner critic kicked in.

“Hang on – he never comments on what I wear. So if he thinks this colour really suits me, does that mean all the other colours I wear look terrible?!” And then my mind leafed through its virtual wardrobe, flashing up image-memories of all my favourite outfits – the ones my husband had never noticed or commented on. But perhaps he hadn’t commented on these because they look terrible? And he’s too polite to say? He didn’t want to hurt my feelings? And that’s why he waited until I was wearing a corporate baggy t-shirt to go out gardening before finally finding something I look good in?

By the time I reached the kitchen, I had half-convinvced myself that I was such a blimp that only tent-dresses would suit me and that I needed to chuck out half of my wardrobe.

How Did This Happen?

I generally have my inner critic pretty-much tamed, but sometimes it catches me unawares, especially if there’s an emotional ‘button’ hanging around, ready to be pressed (and released). So as I walked down those stairs, my brain fired off the neurons that fed ‘not good enough’ thoughts. These found the neural pathways in my brain that have rehearsed this discussion, many times, over the years.

Then the bit of my brain that filters information – keeps you sane and free from sensory overload – sped through its hard-wired filing system to find examples from my history to support the thoughts I was thinking. It’s called the Reticular Activating System and it’s brilliant for those times when you don’t want to be consciously aware of the air pressure in your left ear, but not so great if you’d prefer your inner critic to take a break.

But It wasn’t All In My Head…

Then, with the current thought-story-drama being cranked up by the decades of memories of every time I had doubted whether I looked good or judged my body, those thoughts were triggering hormones that flooded my body’s cells with ‘not good enough’ emotions. Those cells have receptors that pick up on emotions (basically a chemical reaction in your body) and those cell receptors did a happy dance, because – at some crazy level – they are addicted to the ‘not good enough’ emotion and they were getting a fix!

The hormones / cell receptors sent messages to my brain saying, “More of this, please! Haven’t had this fix for a while!” and my brain obliged. And so the cycle grew until a throwaway compliment about a t-shirt colour mutated into full-blown body-shaming self-doubt.

The whole thing took less than a minute – to go from happy to inner-critic-fest.

It didn’t matter that the rational bit of my mind knows I’m not humungous. Or that I am perfectly capable of knowing what looks good on me and what doesn’t. The inner-critic-hormone-cell-receptor dance happens at a subconscious level and it quickly took on a life of its own.

[Tweet “Did you know your inner critic isn’t all in your head? Here’s how to tame it in under 60s. #entrepreneur”]

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But It Doesn’t Just Happen With Clothes

When someone makes a throwaway comment about, say, a presentation or report you did, it can quickly trigger auto-pilot responses that leave you wishing you could run to the ladies’ and flush your own head down the loo.

A slightly ‘off’ look from a stranger can trigger us fast-tracking stories about how we must have done something to upset them. Maybe we’re a ‘bad’ person.

A snarky comment from one of our kids can trigger us diving into our inner drama about all the reasons why we’re a bad mum and wondering how much we need to save for their therapy, once they leave home, when actually it was just down to their blood sugar being low.

I’m curious: what are your personal favourites on this? What triggers you diving – without control – into your inner critic’s story-head?

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Time To Tame Your Inner Critic?

If this ever happens to you, then you’re in great company. Yet we rarely ever talk to each other about this. Most of the time we pretend everything’s fine, even if we’re secretly falling apart, inside.

I work with senior business women and women business owners, who are passionate about making a bigger difference in the world, as well as being the best mum they can be. And one of the first clients I ever worked with, back in 2002, taught me about something I now know is rampant, in every boardroom in the country and behind pretty much every desk:

Imposter Syndrome – Feeling Like A Fraud.

It happens when your outside-world actions trigger personal growth – to become more of the person you really are – but your inner view of ‘who am I’ hasn’t caught up with that yet.

In mild cases, it’s annoying and you have to work round it. In worse cases, it leads to self-sabotage and subconsciously choosing not to take inspired action on your dreams.

Most of us go through life achieving and creating what we do, despite Imposter Syndrome. We work round it. We push through it. But it can be exhausting and demoralising and is the most common reason why we give up on our dreams.

If you’re prepared to put in the time and effort, there’s plenty you can do to release the root causes and set yourself free from Imposter Syndrome, as my Masterminders know. But when you’re stuck in the middle of a full-blown onslaught of ‘not good enough’ thought-drama, you don’t have time for navel-gazing.

And that’s where my simple, 3-step ABC process comes in. I teach it to students and clients for times when they need to press ‘pause’ on their inner critic. But if your inner critic is on the motorway towards a bout of Imposter Syndrome, then you need one extra question, to turn things around and tame your inner critic.

ABC – How To Press ‘Pause’ On Imposter Syndrome – How To Tame Your Inner Critic

You know that thought-hormone-chemical-reaction-cell-receptor cycle we talked about earlier? Well, you can press ‘pause’ at any of the points and you’ll stop that dance. You’ll set yourself free from the negative self-talk and the icky emotions.

And my ABC process is one of the simplest ways to do that.

A = Awareness & Acceptance

They say that ‘awareness is the key to change’. If you don’t realise you’re thinking and feeling thoughts that make you feel bad, then you’re not going to be able to do anything about them. So it really helps to pay attention to your body and emotions. If you notice you’re feeling grumpy, stressed, tense, miserable or whichever other flavour is running, pause for a moment and notice which thought you’re thinking.

Become aware of it, without trying to change it or judge it or tell yourself stories about how {insert your favourite self-judging attribute here} you are. Allow yourself to simply observe this thought – accepting it.

This presses ‘pause’ on that hormone cycle.

B = Breathe

Yes, obviously I know you’ll be breathing, because otherwise there wouldn’t be much thinking going on. But this is about using your breath to get out of your stress-head and back into your body, getting grounded and coming back to this moment.

So gently close your eyes (assuming it’s safe to do so) and become aware of your breathing. If it feels comfortable for you, move your breathing from your upper chest back down to your upper belly / diaphragm area. Relax your shoulders, jaw and neck. Now allow yourself to become fully absorbed by your breathing and the physical sensations of it as you breathe in and breathe out. If you’re feeling really tense, you might find that the first few breaths help you to let go if you sigh as you breathe out.

If your mind needs a job, it can recite the following mantras, silently: In-breath: I breathe in.
Out-breath: I breathe out.

Do this for at least ten breaths, allowing yourself to let go of any physical tension with each out-breath.
You’ll probably find that your breathing rate has slowed. After a minute or so of this, you will have started the process of rebalancing your nervous system and your thoughts are likely to be slowing down. You’ll probably find that the tension in your solar plexus area has decreased, your jaw has relaxed and the area around your eyes will feel softer.

And now C is for choose.

When you’re in this calmer place, choose to let go of the thought that had been making you feel bad. You might want to imagine it floating across the sky like a cloud, or perhaps sitting on a conveyer belt, moving into the distance. Let it go. It is in the past, now.

If the story is feeling stuck or you’re resisting letting it go, you can ask yourself the question:

“What’s really true about this?”

Let the answers bubble up. It takes you out of the drama and back into hard facts, which pauses the emotional cycle and gives you back your power to choose which thoughts to feed.

And when you feel ready, pick a thought that lifts your spirits. You might want to think of something you feel grateful for, saying a silent, heartfelt ‘thank you’. Or perhaps choosing to re-experience a happy memory.

Or maybe you’ll just wait to see which thought bubbles up next. Do this one thought at a time. There’s no judgement. And the more often you practise it with slightly annoying, niggling thoughts, the easier you’ll find the process if a biggie comes up. It’s amazing how quickly this can shift your experience of life.

So there you have it – ABC – Accept, Breathe, Choose.

Simple, yet surprisingly effective.

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[Tweet “Want to tame your #innercritic? Here’s how – in under 60 seconds.”]

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More On The Baggy Blue T-Shirt, In A Moment, But First…

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Would You Like A Workbook And Virtual-Mentoring Audio to guide you through the ABC technique?

It’s yours, as my gift! Register – free – below and you’ll get instant access to:

  • a deep-dive workbook for how to spot thoughts that might cause you to self-sabotage, without realising
  • plus an audio to guide you through the workbook, so it feels like we’re working together, one-to-one
  • and an inner critic MP3 you can download to guide you through the ABC technique, so it’s there for you, whenever you need it

Yes! I Want My Workbook & Audio!

Fill in your details to get instant access. Plus you'll get my weekly-ish Dare to Dream Bigger newsletter, packed with 'inside work' inspiration.

P.S. I hate spam, too. I promise to be very kind to your email address & you can unsub, any time, if you don't want to hear from me. x Clare 

You’re In!

Here’s your workbook:

Click the image to view it online or right click and choose ‘save as’ (or similar) to download it.

Here’s your exercise audio:

 

And here’s the ABC technique:

To download the MP3, so you’ve got it with you, whenever you need it, right click this link and choose ‘save as’ (or similar!).

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Want More On How To Tame Your Inner Critic?

My latest book is Dare To Dream Bigger – the ‘inside work’ handbook for entrepreneurs and passionate world-changers. It is dubbed the ‘inside work MBA’ by its readers. And it takes you through how to step up to the next level on your passionate world-changer journey, in 7 practical steps.

Step 2 is all about how to crank up your confidence, without putting on an act or selling your soul! And page 131 onwards includes inspiration and down-to-earth strategies for:

  • ‘how to handle ‘sticky’ thoughts – the ones that keep coming back or that resist flowing on through
  • an exercise on the dangers of ‘don’t’ and how to choose a new thought to feed, so it empowers you, rather than accidentally sabotaging your confidence
  • how our negative self-talk turns into limiting beliefs
  • the little-known reason why change so often doesn’t work and we fall back into bad habits – and what you can do about it
  • how to set yourself free from limiting beliefs and – in step 7 – how to turn your inner critic into your biggest cheerleader

If that is resonating for you, you’ll love Dare To Dream Bigger. And I’m going to give you a bonus, if you buy your copy today.

Want My Imposter Syndrome Emergency-Quick-Fix Video Training – As My Gift?

You can order it from the Big Bookstore In The Sky or you can get a signed copy, straight from me.  Once you’ve got your copy (order it direct and I give you a PDF so you can start reading it in the next couple of minutes), click this link to get instant access to my Imposter Syndrome Emergency Quick Fix video training, which is normally £47.

It’s yours, as my gift, to thank you for taking action on your Inner Critic and Imposter Syndrome today.

Here’s a reminder of where to sign up to get my bonus video training: www.clarejosa.com/dtdbimpostersyndrome/

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And If You’re Ready To Deal With Your Limiting Beliefs?

Check out my training on Udemy: How To Ditch A Limiting Belief In Under 5 Minutes.

To thank you for taking action to step up and deal with those hidden blocks, here’s a coupon code that will get you this training for half price:

https://www.udemy.com/limitingbeliefs/?couponCode=BELIEFS35

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What Happened About My Baggy Blue T-Shirt?

Well, by the time I reached the kettle, I had spotted how my thoughts were getting out of control. I did the ABC process and got grounded, with a clearer perspective.

I remember that Hubs has been putting more effort in to connect and be kind lately and he’s moving out of a period of stress, so his comment was a genuine example of him noticing me and wanting to be kind. It was a spontaneous compliment.

None of the stuff about tents is true. But it was a reminder that it’s time for me to go and do some work on my ‘good enough’ triggers!

I went out to plant some veggies and show some cheeky weeds the sharp side of my hoe and was able to laugh at how quickly I had got stressed, by being complimented. And I said a heartfelt ‘thank you’ to the part of me that had reacted, because she was showing me that it’s time to let those old stories go.

And my chickens didn’t care what I looked like. 😉

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Do You Know Anyone Else Who Needs To Tame Their Inner Critic?

Please feel free to share this article – far and wide – with any fellow world-changers who need to tame their inner critic. If it has helped you, chances are they’ll love it, too.

And if you run a popular blog / podcast and would like to interview me or get a guest post on imposter syndrome and how to tame your inner critic, please get in touch. I’d love to hear from you.

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And It’s Over To You:

How had your inner critic been getting in the way? What shifted with the ABC process?

And how might you remind yourself to play with this technique?

Let me know, via the comments.[/page_section]

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With love, Namaste,

Clare Josa, ‘Inside Work’ Mentor To Passionate World-Changers

P.S. Want to deep-dive on this and get to the root of your Imposter Syndrome issues? Is it finally time to tame your inner critic? How about jumping on my next Imposter Syndrome Mastermind or grabbing some one-to-one sessions with me?

Podcast: How Can You Spot If Your Inner Critic Is Secretly Sabotaging Your Business?

Dare To Dream Bigger Podcast

This week we’re celebrating our inner critics – even if that sounds crazy! It’s that voice on your shoulder, that negative self-talk that gets in the way when we secretly want to step up to the next level.

And so in this week’s podcast we’re diving in, in more detail, to find out how your inner critic could be damaging your business and practical quick fixes you can get started on today:

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Click to subscribe on iTunes

And when you’ve listened to this episode, I’d love to hear from you – via the comments:

  • What action are you going to take in the next hour, to start taming your inner critic?
  • Which of these 5 issues resonates most for you?
  • And how has your inner critic been affecting your business results – and the experience of your customers?

Today’s Show Notes:

I’ll be back next week, when we’ll be talking about how you need to forget the 80/20 rule and focus on the 1% rule, instead, if you want to grow your business.

Make sure you’ve subscribed via iTunes, if you want to make sure you get a quick reminder once the episode is live. And you can get my free newsletter by registering below.

See you there!

With love, Namaste,

Clare x

Mentor To Passionate World-Changers, Author Of The Dare To Dream Bigger Entrepreneur’s Handbook

P.S. Are you an Academy member yet? Rates go up in just a few days. Here’s where to grab your lowest-price-ever membership – for life: www.ClareJosa.com/Academy

Make sure you catch each episode – plus member-only bonuses:

Prefer the transcript? Here you are!

 

Hello, and welcome to this week’s Dare To Dream Bigger business podcast with me, your host, Clare Josa, mentor to passionate world-changers.

 

This week we’re celebrating our inner critics. Yay! You know that voice on your shoulder, that negative thinking when we get into that self-talk that makes us feel miserable. Well, this week loads of us are getting together to do my inner critic kick-start program, which is completely free. You can find it at DareToDreamBigger.biz/innercritic. It’s a five-part video training and to celebrate because we’re going to be setting ourselves free from our inner critics and their hold on our businesses. Today’s podcast is about your inner critic too, so you can benefit from it whether or not you want to join me for this free video training.

 

I’m curious. Is your inner critic secretly stalling your business? How can you spot it? What is an inner critic anyway?

 

We all know that feeling. You’re totally fired up. You’re about to start doing something really important. You know it’s a bit of a comfort zone stretch. It might be a new opportunity in your business. It might be a new product line. It might be a different customer base.

 

There’s a little voice in your head that starts talking. It’s telling you all the reasons why you won’t be any good at it and how you’re never good at anything anyway, and you’re not ready. Maybe the timing is not right, and we should just leave this for now. It doesn’t really matter. We can just put it off for a bit.

 

You know you believe it because it’s told you it often enough over the years. You feel that tightness in your stomach. Your body tenses, and you might even feel fear and panic rising. But the thing is it doesn’t have to be that way. You don’t have to live at the whim of this inner critic, of this voice, this negative self-talk. You can tame it.

 

You see; it’s just a habit. Like any other habit, it can be changed. It’s surprisingly easy when you know how. That’s what we cover with the inner critic kick-start.

 

Today, I want to take you on a whistle stop journey of how to spot your inner critic, what to do about it, and how potentially to turn it into your biggest cheerleader. If that might be useful for you in your business, keep listening.

 

Now, one of the biggest ways our inner critic surfaces in our business is self-sabotage. I’ve already described the whole kind of not stepping up on our comfort zone. It’s also turning down opportunities. Maybe somebody makes you an incredible offer or asks you to do something, and you just leave it that little bit too late to reply to the email or to return the call. Or, you convince yourself that you’re too busy to do something that you secretly know could take your business to the next level. We’ve all done it. It’s so normal. But, the thing is, if you want to dare to dream bigger and make a difference in the world, you’re going to have to learn to make peace with your inner critic.

 

The common side effects of having an inner critic, which most of us do, I did meet somebody once who didn’t have one, a wonderful 17-year-old girl. She was really confused when I was talking about it. But, in 14 years of serving the audience I serve, she’s the first one I’ve met.

 

The most common side effects include:

  • Lack of self-esteem. We beat ourselves up when we try to do something important. Your inner critic is fantastic about reminding you about your mistakes.

 

  • Stress is another symptom. Your inner critic is responsible for the vast majority of stress in your life due to the stories it tells. There’s actually a bonus article on this with the show notes today.

 

Is your monkey mind telling you the truth about stress? You’ll either love this article, or you will want to lob rotten tomatoes at your laptop or computer screen at me. To find the show notes: DTDBpodcast.biz/006. Find out the role that your inner critic is playing in your stress stories.

 

  • The other one we’ve talked about is self-sabotage. When you’re just about to achieve something you’ve been dreaming of, your inner critic leaps in and pulls the rug from under you. Or, maybe it creeps in quietly around the corner.
  • Insomnia is another one. If you’re lying awake at 3:00 a.m., then chances are it’s your inner critic choosing the bedtime stories. Maybe you’re feeling exhausted.

 

Your inner critic is running the show. That keeps you running your sympathetic nervous system, the fight or flight, meaning you’ve got too much cortisol and adrenalin in your system. That absolutely exhausts your adrenals, and it’s really going to hit your energy levels and maybe even your physical, emotional, and mental health.

 

  • Okayness is another symptom. Your inner critic is the biggest single reason why most of us put up with a life that’s okay rather than great.

 

  • Your inner critic is so good at reminding you about all the things that you did or didn’t do and ways you let people down. Those are its words, not mine. Some of my clients and students go so far as to call their inner critic their own worst enemy. It’s strong stuff.

 

Now, if any of this feels familiar, and you’re feeling a bit fed up with that inner critic and that negative self-talk, then today I want to cover five techniques you can use to tame that inner critic and move on with life. Here are five surefire techniques you can use today to start taming your inner critic.

 

Now, I’ve been where you’re at with my inner critic, and sometimes–I have to confess–it pops back and it reminds me it’s still there when I least suspect it. But, fortunately, having been an NLP trainer since 2003, being a meditation teacher, as well as being a reformed engineer, I’ve developed plenty of practical strategies to handle it fast. I’ve shared them with so many thousands of people now that I know they work. Here are five of my favorite, do them today, techniques to help you tame your inner critic and set yourself free.

 

The first one is a mindset shift. There’s a fact I need to tell you here. You are not the same as your inner critic. It is just a thought in your head. Okay. Your inner critic is not a real person. It is just a thought habit.

 

Let’s start by getting the record straight. Although most of us identify pretty strongly with our inner critics, we are not the same thing as our inner critic. It is just a train of thought. It is just a soundtrack that we’re used to playing. No matter how real it might feel, it isn’t actually real. It’s just a thought.

 

Sure, thoughts have energies, but your inner critic is something that’s in your head. Now, when you realize that, it gives you the power to make changes. You can choose which thoughts to feed by pressing pause. One of the best ways to do this is mindfulness. You might love my Mindfulness for Entrepreneurs program. When you’re falling into the trap of believing that you and your inner critic are one in the same being, then it will always hold the power. If you make it real, it will feel real.

 

What’s the fix on this? When you feel an inner critic thought coming up, press pause. You can do that. Remind yourself this is not who I am. This is a thought I am thinking. And let it go. Feel the relief bubble up.

 

Number two is don’t make the mistake of fighting it. I am not suggesting you indulge your inner critic’s every whim, but I am strongly suggesting you don’t outright reject it, fight it, or try to get rid of it. Why? Surely we want to get rid of our inner critic. As Carl Jung points out, what you resist persists. Now, that goes for your inner critic too. If you fight your inner critic or try to get rid of it, you’re resisting it. That means you’re giving it all of your attention, 100% of your headspace rent free, and you’re spending loads of time thinking about it.

 

Now, I’m a mother of three young boys, so I know that, like a tantruming child, if I feed my inner critic, it will learn to do more of what it got to get the attention it wanted. Just like if you feed the tantrum, if you feed the inner critic, it’s going to learn to do more of the same. This is why I talk about taming it rather than getting rid of it. It’s about accepting that it’s there. There’s a part of you that wants, at some level, for you to see the risks, for you to make sure that you’re not taking really crazy actions. At some level, it wants to protect you, no matter how mad that might feel when it’s in full blown character assassination.

 

If you reject a part of yourself, it will only ever lead to pain and conflict. Instead, we’re taming it. We’re retraining the part of you that runs your inner critic to be more supportive and empowering instead.

 

The fix on this one when your inner critic gets ranting, stop what you’re doing and notice that it’s there because then it doesn’t need to shout so loudly. It feels heard. Say a silent thank you, even if you don’t feel like it, but it’s the opposite of rejecting. Then consciously choose a happy thought.

 

Some of the best ways to do that are actually through meditation and mindfulness. As I say, I’ve got a meditation of mindfulness for entrepreneurs program, but also through gratitude. If you find that you get stuck complaining, you can get off the complaining train. You can retrain your brain to think thoughts that make you feel better. And, you might love my Growing Your Business with Gratitude program. I’ve also got a gratitude journal that makes a big difference with people called A Year Full of Gratitude.

 

Any program that gets you thinking about what you feel grateful for will make it much easier to pick, consciously to choose a happy thought when your inner critic is running wild. The time to practice this is when your inner critic is not speaking. Something as simple as having a gratitude journal and writing down three things each day you feel grateful for can help you to retrain your inner critic.

 

Number three today is stop feeding its pesky stories. Your inner critic loves drama, and it makes the nation’s favorite soap operas look dull, quite frankly, in comparison with the stories that are going on in our heads. We all love drama. We love to gossip. It’s why we love to share stories, and the more dramatic the better. Embellishing is completely okay in the inner critic’s world.

 

Now, unfortunately, when it comes to negative self-talk and your inner critic stories, the more you feed them, the worse you will feel, and the further you will move from the amazing life you’ve been dreaming of. Remember, there’s a bonus article for you on the show notes for this episode at DTDBpodcast.biz/006. Is your monkey mind telling you the truth about stress? It’s really worth going and reading this if you find that you get stuck feeding those stories.

 

The quick fix on this is to stop feeding the stories. When you feel an inner critic conversation coming on, press pause, and consciously choose whether you want to dive into that drama or whether you want to focus on something else instead. Actually, I’ve got a secret for you. It doesn’t matter how far you’ve gone into the drama track before you realize. You can always press pause and come on out again.

 

If you’re feeling stuck, then right now grab the nearest small object to you, pick it up in your hand, and really see it. Notice how the light reflects. How the shapes and contours give it form. Feel the weight of it in your hand. Notice the textures. Then, this is the icing on the cake, take a moment to connect with that object from your heart and to thank it for whatever it does for you. If you aim to do this for about a minute in total, it will physically shift the biochemistry in your body, releasing endorphins, rebalancing the parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous system, and helping you to feel happier.

 

There you go. You took physical action to pause the story, and you’ve moved yourself to a space of okayness and gratitude. That’s not bad for just picking something up for 60 seconds, is it?

 

Number four today: Are you suffering from “should I”? Just deleting the word “should” from your vocabulary is one of the best ways to tame your inner critic. Now, it’s a biggie for a lot of us.

 

How often do we use the word “should” in a typical day? I should do such and such. I ought to go to that meeting. Even though I don’t really want to, I should offer to help Fred with his project.

 

Now, it’s like there’s a naff theme tune in our day-to-day lives. But, if you pause for a moment and notice how “should” makes you feel, I’m guessing it triggers some kind of a sinking feeling in your stomach. Usually there’s a slouching of the shoulders and your back, a frown on your face, and a furrowed brow. The inner critic is addicted to “should” because it’s a great way to get our attention.

 

Here’s a quick fix. If you feel “should” coming up, pause and ask yourself, “Who says? Is that really true?” Let the answer bubble up. This isn’t about apportioning blame. It’s about pressing pause on the “should.” Notice what comes up for you and use it to gain insights into those old, autopilot behaviors that might be keeping you stuck because awareness is the first key to change through choice. Once you’re aware, you can choose whether or not you want to respond to “should,” or whether you want to make a conscious choice about your thoughts, your words, and your actions instead.

 

Then number five: I’ve got another secret for you. You don’t actually have to listen to your inner critic. Most of us listen slavishly to that negative self-talk. We replay it over and over in our heads, especially when we’re stressed. You don’t actually have to listen to it. Just because you’re having a thought, you don’t have to tune your radio to that frequency for the whole day. You can choose to turn down the volume and just let your inner critic get on with whatever it’s complaining about, in the background.

 

Here’s a quick fix. Imagine that you’re in a sitcom. Maybe one partner is ear bashing the other for some kind of mistake they’ve made. The partner who is being ear bashed just carries on reading the newspaper or iPad and nodding politely. When the person has fully vented their spleen, they demand to know what their partner thought of what they said.

 

“That’s nice, dear,” is the only response they get. The person on the receiving end doesn’t get rattled. They don’t argue back. They totally ride the wave of the other person’s drama, and it annoys the hell out of them by refusing to dance the destructive dance, but it works.

 

Now, what would happen if you were to play that game with your inner critic once in a while? Giving it a good old, “That’s nice, dear. I hear you.” Then ask it a question about something that moves things forwards in a different direction such as, “Okay. So I’m wondering. What do you want me to do instead?” And watch what happens.

 

Those are your five techniques today. It’s time for action. I’d love to know which of these techniques are you going to use today and, when you’ve tried them out, let me know what shifts you notice. You can find the comments box over at DTDBpodcast.biz/006. If your inner critic, negative self-talk, and self-sabotage are an issue for you in your business or in your wider life, please come and join us.

 

The Five Simple Steps to Taming Your Inner Critic is a video training. It takes less than ten minutes a day for five days. You can find it at DareToDreamBigger.biz/innercritic. I’d really, really love to share it with you. It’s fantastic stuff. Although it’s only a 5 part course, we’re still diving in deeply, and it can make a real difference for you.

 

I hope you found today useful. I’d love to hear from you, via the show note page comments. How does your inner critic get in the way and stall your business, which of the techniques today you’re going to play with, are you joining us for the inner critic kick-start program, and what action are you going to take in the next hour to start taming your inner critic? I would love to hear from you.

 

I’ll be back next week with the next episode when we’re going to be talking about why you need to forget the 80/20 rule in your business and why your business really needs you to focus on the 1% rule. We are not talking perfectionism here, so make sure you subscribe via iTunes. If you found this useful, please share it far and wide via social media. I hope you have a fantastic week. I will see you next time.

3 Surefire Ways To Let Go Of Negative Self-Talk

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We’ve all got one – that critic on your shoulder who makes sure you know exactly how rubbish you are in life, just when you most need to find your cheerleader-in-a-closet. And we do everything we can to eliminate that inner loudspeaker of negative self talk. But what if there were a way to sort your inner critic, once and for all? And what if you could get started – and make a noticeable difference – in the next five minutes? [Read more…] about 3 Surefire Ways To Let Go Of Negative Self-Talk

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