how to deal with difficult people Archives ~ Clare Josa

Do you ever find yourself stuck in situations where people are angry or criticising? Or behaving in ways you would prefer they didn’t? It can be hard to get through this, without shutting down.

So today I’d like to share with you a technique that has helped me – and those I have taught it to – many times over the years.

It’s time to dust off your disco dancing mirror ball.

Time to dust off your disco dancing mirror ball?

Here’s a highly effective technique to help you get through those sticky situations, unscathed:

Remember those disco dancing mirror balls – all shiny and reflecting light in every direction? Imagine you are standing inside one. Obviously it’s a virtual one, or you’d find it pretty hard to get out of the front door, or into your car…
This one is slightly different to those from the seventies – it has mirrors on the inside, as well as the outside.
As you go through your day, you might like to set the following intention:
Only that which is true and kind or is meant for my growth can pass through the mirrors to reach me. Everything else is reflected back to the sender.
Only that which is true and kind can leave this mirror ball. Everything else is reflected back at me.
Only those messages and behaviours which are really meant for you can get through. And you are setting the intention to behave with compassion, throughout your day.

It’s surprising how effectively your unconscious mind will react to this intention. It quickly gets the hang of the game, reminding you to check whether an unkind remark was really meant for you, before you react. It allows you to clearly see the ways we tend to retaliate, on auto-pilot, giving you back your freedom of choice.

I am often surprised by how safe and protected I feel, within that virtual mirror ball. It can set us free to act more authentically, rather than behaving the way we think the other person wants us to behave. And that is life-changing.

Not bad for such a simple technique?

Had a chance to play with it? How did you get on? What did you notice?
Please feel free to share, via the comments box!

Wishing you sunshine and laughter,
Namaste,

Would you like to be able to move towards feeling more compassionate, rather than angry, towards that person?

Would it be useful to be able to quickly turn things around, when you feel your blood pressure rising because that co-worker, friend, family member or acquaintance is behaving ‘that way’ again?

Here’s the question that I try to remember to use, when someone is really bugging me – and it works:

What might be true in their world, for them to believe this behaviour is acceptable?

This isn’t about mind-reading or pretending we know what’s going on inside someone else’s head. It’s about trying to imagine the world from the other person’s viewpoint, to try to make sense of their behaviour. When we can do that, it is much easier to let go of the drama and to set ourselves free from the painful dance of reacting on auto-pilot, often making things worse.

So, thinking about someone whose behaviour is less than great, what might be going on in their world, right now? I’m not talking about the ‘story’, I’m talking about what they might have to believe, in order to behave this way. What might they be feeling scared of? Are they trying to protect themselves? Which unmet need is screaming for attention, through their actions?

At first, it can be hard to get your head around all this. But of you play with this technique for minor irritations, it quickly becomes a habitual way of turning your responses around, when someone behaves unkindly.

Remember that all criticism is borne of someone elses’s pain? Similarly, all unkind behaviour comes from a part of that person that is hurting. Happy people don’t lash out.

Being able to separate the actions from the actor is a key step towards setting yourself free. Being able to respond from a place of compassion, even if your gut response was anger, can transform your experience of life. And, of course, we can also apply this question to ourselves, if we have a habitual way of behaving that we want to deal with.

By uncovering the possible fears and beliefs behind the actions, we can start to see what’s ‘real’ and what’s ‘drama’, setting ourselves free to choose a happier outcome.

I’d love to hear how you get on, if you get a chance to play with this today.

Wishing you sunshine and laughter,
Namaste,
Clare

Are They Bugging You? Why It’s Time To Dust Off Your Mirror Ball.

Here’s a highly effective technique to help you get through those sticky situations, unscathed:

Want To Know How To Set Yourself Free From Their Annoying Behaviour?

Here’s the question that I try to remember to use, when someone is really bugging me – and it works: